The highs and lows of this journey is what often gets to me. How I can possibly be so happy and content one minute and then crashing low the next boggles my mind.
So I've had a pretty rough week. Being out of my routine started it, and even though I feel like I've caught up on my sleep, I think that I'm still a little fatigued.
Plus the shitty weather we've had the last few days hasn't helped. On Thursday, I ran, as per usual, on my lunch hour. It rained the ENTIRE time. I get back to work, change my clothes, try to dry my dripping wet hair and sit down at my desk to eat and..... the sun comes out. I was able to mostly laugh that off. But then Friday, the temps dropped into the 40's. I head out for my Friday run and it's raining - again - except this time it is a cold, nasty rain. I get about 4 miles in and I'm freezing, soaking wet, and miserable. So I tell myself that I only have to run 5 miles, not my usual 7. And that thought fills me with panic. Yes, panic. So, of course, I run 7 and get back to work. My hands are so frozen that I had to have someone open the door for me because the hands don't work. I spend the rest of the afternoon chilled and angry.
Yesterday, the plan was to plant the garden. Except it was cold and windy. So we went shopping instead. I've been looking to buy a tankini or one piece bathing suit, since all I have are bikinis and there might be occasions this summer where I want to be in something more modest. I try on suits and everything looks terrible on me. Whether it actually looks terrible, or it's just the mood I'm in, I'm not sure. Maybe I'll get the courage to post a pic of what I ended up buying. Or maybe I'll return it.
I weighed in this morning at 119.0. That is 2-3 pounds higher then I like to see the scale and so I'm depressed. Which is RIDICULOUS. I also don't feel like running this morning. Who says I have to run? Well me of course. All of this CRAP is self-induced yet I don't know how to change it when I get like this.
So, once again, I'll try to ride it out because I know that it gets better. That miracle I spoke about a couple of days ago? I'm waiting....
Dear self, this is for you: