Last night Marc and I were watching a couple of TV shows that we recorded while on vacation. One of those shows was American Ninja Warrior. You guys familiar with this show? It's basically an UBER hard obstacle course. Every year there is a competition and people go through stages in order to get to the end. NO ONE in the American version has ever completed the last stage. But people train like crazy believing that they can be the first to conquer the course and in turn win $500,000.
So they show contestant profiles before they compete. And they showed this one guy who has been training for this for a YEAR. He built a similar course in his house and he and his wife talked about how it has been a lot of sacrifice of time and space (they also had a couple of kids) and that he practices 4 TO 5 HOURS A DAY!!!
So this guy gets up, makes it through the first relatively easy obstacle and then stands there about to take the next obstacle and - about 12 seconds into his run - slips and falls into the water. He is disqualified.
OH. MY. GAWD. I mean can you imagine? Training for HOURS a day. Taking time from your wife and kids. And then falling 12 seconds in. They interviewed him and he looked upset, but said "I'll be back next year."
I can't even conceive of this. And it made me think of something I've been thinking a lot about lately. What are my goals and what do I see as the purpose of my life? Am I wasting time and sacrificing anything for this journey I have taken and still take every day? I'm lucky that I don't have kids, and that Marc and I have made this commitment together. So any potential guilt from that is a non-issue.
I stopped over at my brother's house today. And my extremely thin sister-in-law was in her pajamas at 3:30 PM and was making and eating this apple dessert with my nieces. I envied the freedom that she has to make these choices. They are choices that I feel are forbidden for me. To just be sitting around in the middle of the afternoon? (Incidentally we were near their house because we had just taken the dogs on a 4 mile trail hike). And to just make and eat a dessert in the middle of the afternoon????
I enjoyed the freedom of last week. But I guess it comes down to this. My sister in law has good genes. But she also clearly has much better self control then I do, because if I allowed myself this liberty all the time? I'd be back to 300+ pounds in no time.
But sometimes I wonder what I'm working for. What is my purpose? What is the meaning of my life? Why do I HAVE to weigh under 120 pounds or I feel worthless and ashamed? Why must I come in first in all my races or I failed? Sometimes I think that I worked so hard to get where I am and - 12 seconds in - I could fall and it would all be for nothing...
Do you guys feel like you know your life's purpose?