Monday, November 4, 2013

Not meeting a milestone.

Yesterday I thought I would push myself and try to run 18 miles.  17 is the furthest I have run.  It was cold out - 30 degrees - and pretty windy.  But when I left the house I felt really good and the sun was shining brightly.  I had on gloves and a running jacket. 

I turned into the wind at mile 6 and by mile 8 my hands were really cold.  The blood was all moved to my core - which was perfectly warm - but the feet and hands, not so much.  At 12 miles the winds had really increased and my hands were just freezing.  I passed my house at mile 17.3 and just surrendered :((

After a hot shower and some food I was really mad at myself.  I mean, what was .70 more miles?  Geez, I could have done that!  I had having a goal and not meeting it!!  Still it was my furthest distance.  And it's funny how things are relative, isn't it?  We bought our treadmill in November 2010.  Exactly 3 years ago.  Because you can program the tready with your vitals, I can also remember how much I weighed - 289 pounds.  I remember trying to run for 2 minutes straight - at a 15 minute mile - and thinking I was going to DIE.

And yet here I am - 3 years later - pissed at myself for "only" running 17.30 miles at a pace of 8:35 per minute mile.  

I think that this perfectionism, or demandingness, or crazy-itis is both a blessing and a curse. This drive is probably what led me - when I'd finally had enough - to lose weight and get fit.  BUT the pressure - as you all have seen - can be almost unbearable at times.  

18 miles will come, right?  And today I will be thankful that - despite years of abusing my body - I have done no extreme permanent damage and I am still able to engage in physically demanding activities!


  1. OH Jen, I feel ya Girl!! LOL! I am the woman who commented on another post about having a goal to be at 50 lbs down by Halloween, and missing it by .4 lbs!! It can be frustrating when your body just doesn't cooperate, even though you're doing everything you know is "right". I think partly it's our personalities. I'm a little bit Type A, so I push myself when I have set goals, but that sometimes causes me to be inflexible...and then break when I don't meet my own expectations. I mean really, who gives a damn that I am .4 lbs short of being 50 lbs lighter??? Not a damn person except me! Seriously, nobody's head fell off when I didn't hit 163 lbs on the scale! I guess it all comes down to being more flexible about goals and especially being kinder to ourselves. I'm really striving to treat myself the way I treat other people. That can be difficult, but I deserve kindness, love, and respect...even from ME!!

    1. Type A personality? I wouldn't know a THING about that ; )))

      Major congrats - as far as I'm concerned you met your goal!!


  2. Like you said, you still beat your record! That in itself is an accomplishment. I have no doubt that you will make it to 18 miles on your next try.