I am trying not to let this desperate feeling continue to consume me. So today, even though it's still miserably cold, I put on 2 pairs of pants, a thick sweatshirt, my winter coat and my thickest gloves and Marc and I went to the local park and took the dogs for a 4 mile walk.
As we got ready to go, the dogs were running and jumping around - so excited. And they sprinted to the Edge and launched themselves in - overjoyed.
As we walked they clearly were just enjoying every part of it. Chakotay saw a squirrel and whined and hopped and kept looking at me - hoping to get my permission to give chase. And as we began climbing up a steep hill, Archer looked wide eyed and delighted at some kids sledding there.
Chakotay saw another dog and I praised him for not lunging as we walked by, and you would have thought he had won the doggie lottery he was so proud.
When we got home, they collapsed on top of one another - happy and tired. And then a few minutes ago I gave them each a bully stick to gnaw on and you would have thought I gave them so Prime Rib they were so happy.
I want - no, I NEED - to be more like my dogs. To enjoy life to its fullest and appreciate all the little things that make my life pretty great. I can't quite get there right now. But they are teaching me and I imagine they want me to be a good student.