having beauty; possessing qualities that give great pleasure or satisfaction to see, hear, think about, etc.; delighting the senses or mind:
a beautiful dress; a beautiful speech.
There’s been a thing going around Facebook lately. It’s stupid, like most of the things on Facebook, but, on the other hand, it’s “heart” is in the right place, unlike a lot of the crap you see.
Someone challenges you to post 5 pictures of yourself where you feel beautiful. And when you post it, you also challenge your friends to post the same.
So my friend Jessie posted her pics – and she IS beautiful BTW – and tagged me a couple of weeks ago. I smirked when I read it and then thought about it.
I realized this. I have never – NEVER –felt beautiful. Not once in my life. Let alone have a pic of myself where I feel beautiful!
Now let’s get something perfectly clear. I’m not saying this because I want anyone to feel sorry for me. I’m also not seeking compliments!! And it’s not that I think I’m hideous. I wasn’t horrifically ugly when I was fat and I’m certainly not now.
But beautiful? No way.
And I was thinking about this late yesterday when I was looking at photographs from the race like these:
And the very first thought I had when I saw these was how I have huge bat wings. And then I said to Marc that you can see my thigh muscles, but they’re covered up with so much loose skin it looks horrible. And I also thought about how OLD I look.
I wonder what other people think when they are looking at these pictures. Especially people who don’t know me or anything about me. Do they see the massive imperfections that I see?
Seeing this woman running in a tutu and coming in first – would they think that it was a confident woman there or would they know how much I doubt myself?
And I’m picking apart myself when I’m actually feeling pretty good about life today! This isn’t me in a dark place trashing my looks – it’s even when I feel happy!
So I guess it’s no wonder that when I get into THOSE moods that I am soooooo hard on myself.
I think I need to realize that there’s never going to be a time when I’m completely satisfied with my looks and just be okay with that.