I woke up this morning to - you guessed it - GREY skies. I felt - in the spirit of the season - like a zombie. Standing on the scale, cleaning Archer's ear out, squeezing my huge ass into my skirt.
I had a productive morning at work, but late in the morning I found out that my mother's cat, Toes, made his trip to the Rainbow Bridge this morning. Toes started his life as a fragile abandoned kitten. But my mother and her boyfriend took him in and he spent the last 16 years as a adored member of the family.
16 great years is a wonderful life for a cat, but it is still tremendously sad to lose a loved one. And out of nowhere I burst into tears. The tears of sadness for my mother and her boyfriend - of course. But also I think my worry about Archer, and my weight gain, and the GREY - they all came together in that moment.
I pulled myself together quickly, fortunately, and suddenly NEEDED to run. I changed my clothes and looked out the window, and - like a beautifully wrapped gift - the clouds were breaking apart and bright, glorious sunshine appeared.
If you are a runner, you know that many times you can tell how the run will be right away. From practically the first step I knew I was going to have a great run. And I did. My best run in what feels like - and may in fact be - MONTHS.
My pace was SLOW. But I didn't care. I ran with no demands or expectations. I ran because it felt great to run.
I thought about life and Toes and the future. And then I thought about nothing. At 3.5 miles in, my MP3 player picked "Kathy's Song" by Simon and Garfunkel. Not a traditional running song, but I came to a hill just then and felt like I was gliding up it.
My Achilles and hamstring both hurt some. But mentally? What a sweet and unexpected relief. When I got back and was in the bathroom changing, I felt tears in my eyes again - this time of happiness.
I hope that this is yet another new start - a time of healing.
And I hope Toes is greeting old friends at the Bridge....