I'm guessing it's because I'm increasing my running miles again after not running a lot for a while now. So far this month I've run 110 miles. Consequently I have been STARVING the last 2 days. I mean like ready to gnaw my own arm off hungry.
So as I sat in my office today just wallowing in self-pity for being ravenously hungry after standing on the scale this morning and seeing that I am still 15 pounds overweight - I thought about a coworker that has it so fricking easy. She eats whatever she wants - and not healthy things either - and doesn't gain an ounce. I was silently swearing at her in my mind.
I began stewing in complete envy.
And then I wondered if there is anyone out there who thinks I have it easy. I wonder if there's anyone in my world that when I refuse the offer of donuts at a morning meeting thinks that it is easy for me to do it. Or hears that I ran on the treadmill and is jealous of my "dedication".
I wonder if this imaginary person would be surprised if they knew what a mental struggle it is. And I wonder if this person that I am so jealous of - is it really as easy for her as it looks?
The part of me that is a good person hopes that it is for their sake. But the nasty evil bitch inside me hopes that it isn't. That someone else experiences the struggle when to the outside world it looks so simple....