If this post makes me seem like a gigantic whiny pathetic baby – well, that’s because that is EXACTLY what I am!!
Those of you that have read this blog for a while, you know how much I struggle mentally in the winter. And this week has been freezing cold and we just keep getting DUMPED with lake effect snow.
So, yeah, after this week, I am feeling a little – maybe a lot – down and out.
BUT things are not bad. I ran a lot this week from what I have been running – 26 miles, plus some more walking. And my Achilles? It feel FANTASTIC. I’m not pain free, but literally, this is the least amount of pain that I’ve had in MONTHS. I sometimes can’t believe how good it feels because I’d gotten so used to chronic pain.
I am anxious about Marc’s Dad and next week, but Marc and I are doing great as a couple despite the stress, my animals are healthy, in all things that matter – life is good!
But last night I was watching the show Elementary – which I love. If you haven’t seen it, you should. The main character is a recovering drug addict who we “met” just as he was coming out of rehab. They do a great job writing him and remain true to the struggles of recovery.
The character attends self-help meetings regularly, but in last night’s episode a couple of the other characters noted that he had stopped going as of late.
His friend asked him about it and he said, quietly and calmly:
“The process of maintaining my sobriety. It’s repetitive, and it’s relentless and above all, it’s tedious. ....and now 2 years in I find myself asking ‘is this it?’ My sobriety is simply a grind. It’s this leaky faucet the requires constant maintenance. And in return offers only not to drip.”
The friend reminds him that he has his life and friends and his work and he states:
“I’ve told myself that many times. So many times that it has become devoid of all meaning.”
Dude – you are singing my song! This is just another example of how much recovery from addiction and obesity have in common.
If you are someone who reads this blog that has never struggled with obesity or addictions, you probably can’t begin to understand it.
But the CONSTANT and ever-present mental and physical struggle – not to achieve something great. Not to be glorious or special or extraordinary. But to simply be NORMAL. It can – it does - take a toll.
And yes, there are much much worse things that people have to deal with. But that someone writing for a tv show to put so eloquently in words what I feel? In a way I couldn’t myself begin to explain to anyone, perhaps because I had never thought of it that way?
It effected me. It also gave me some measure of gratification to know that someone else must understand the struggle.
So what now? Suck it up and move on, Princess. There is no other option.