Tuesday, March 24, 2015

A delicate balance…

I was talking to this guy yesterday.  He is extremely bright and has a lot of varied interests. So he historically has had these huge lofty future goals.  He would be thinking about things years in the future and obsessing about how to get there or if he was making the “right” choice.  The future forward thinking became almost so time consuming that he couldn't focus on the present.

But, after some reevaluation, he is now making a concerted effort to change this.  He still has goals, but they are more short term, concrete and realistic. And guess what?  He is much less anxious and more peaceful.  AND he gets shit done and has better relationships with people.

Most recovery programs suggest that addicts take things one day at a time.  And there is huge advantages to this philosophy.  Because when we get too ahead of ourselves we sometimes fail to accomplish the first step because we are so intent on looking at step 5!  And looking far into the future can be daunting.

I have to say I was really good at keeping things in the present when I was actively losing weight.  Because I didn't have this "pie in the sky" idea that I was going to lose 200 pounds!   No, I just focused on good decisions day to day and succeeding more days then not, and the weight took care of itself.

But living that way is dangerous, too.  Because I now find myself thinking "Fuck it, I could die tomorrow - I should eat whatever I want!!"

This goes not just weight loss but other life choices.  I am in the deferred compensation plan at work.  Which will help me tremendously in retirement.  If I live to see retirement!  A part of me HATES seeing money taken out of my paycheck every week that I hope I live to see but I might not.

Remember, I am a child of a man who saved and talked about retirement plans and died far from being able to use it.

This is such a tricky balance for me.  I continue to struggle so hard with my eating right now and as I just keep gaining weight there's a part of me that wants to surrender - live for today and fuck tomorrow.  But when tomorrow comes and I’m still here, what then?


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