Those are the words that someone said to me today. He relapsed after a relatively long period of sobriety.
He was in tears and told me that he tries SO HARD. He said that he does well and even excells in acting "normal" - but underneath is that demon - that addiction - that is always there waiting for the slightest crack in his armor to POUNCE.
My heart ached for him. And I told him "I get it!". And I really do.
So many people have commented to me that they are shocked when they hear it is hard for me or that I still have a fucked up relationship with food.
It's like they think that by learning to modify my behavior it made the root of the issue go away. But just like a drug addict, this is a forever disease. At least that's my opinion. I am still a morbidly obese woman - I just don't behave that way if that makes any sense.
I told this person that he can never, ever let his guard down. That he can never ever allow himself to believe that he's not a drug addict.
I wonder if my weight gain is because I have forgotten this? Maybe I've tried to fool myself that I am normal when I am NOT.
Something I will be thinking about...