On Friday we had a huge windstorm. I have a lot of trouble running when it's windy, but it was also beautifully warm. Staying inside was not an option, so I went out and walked through my lunch hour.
When I got back to work, I was greeted by a casual acquataince who told me that "they" had just been talking about me and that one of the group thought that he could beat me in a race but that he "Would put my money on you!!!". This was - according to him - because I am " awesome". The group that was talking apparently think that I'm pretty amazing and they wish they had half my motivation.
I laughed it off and downplayed it - making some joke as well about placing bets and a pay-per-view event. First off, I am so clueless that people actually notice that I run continues to surprise me. Secondly, it wouldn't shock me at all to know that people talk about me behind my back in a BAD way but people saying GOOD things??? Does that actually happen?
As I walked away from the group I thought to myself that I have them all fooled. They think that I'm this fantastic runner and that I have this strong will when I am actually a train wreck.
I then reflected on this - what if I'm BOTH? Does struggling with my weight negate the progress I have made? Because there are days that it takes everything I have to get out the door - does that mean that I'm not a real runner?
If people knew that it is hard for me at times would they think less of me? Respect me less? I do that to me but would others?
And I think of people that I admire - if I knew that it wasn't easy for them would it make me dismiss them? I sure hope not.
Maybe it's not black and white. Maybe I am both a superstar and an absolute mess at the same time! I have been incredibly resistant to that thinking. I have insisted I have to be perfect or worthless. One or the other.
But wouldn't it be something if I accepted and embraced both my advantages and my weaknesses?? Nah - that might rip a hole in the space time continuum!