This post, I’m afraid, is going to be long and rambley (what’s new, right??) So bear with me or stop reading LOL
Last night, something weird happened. I got ANGRY. It started out like this - I ran across a story that I should have NEVER clicked on. It was about a Boxer that recently came to this rescue agency in Arizona. They had pictures and the poor little girl is literally SKIN AND BONES. I seriously don’t know how she is still alive. (She had surgery last night and is fighting for her life as we speak).
As would not surprise you, this story had - and still has me SO UPSET. It is just sickening and heartbreaking. After reading about her, I got down on the floor where my boys were and just wrapped my arms around both of them and covered them with kisses and tried not to cry. I felt sick to my stomach and ANGRY. Angry at the number of FUCKING ASSHOLES in this world.
As I sat on the floor hugging my boys and telling them how much I love them, I then got angry at myself. Really angry.
I realized I am so sick of myself. Sick of thinking about how I look/my weight every goddamn minute of every goddamn day. Sick of my obsessing about food and calories and how many minutes I HAVE to work out or it’s catastrophic. Sick of hating myself all the time.
A few short years ago I couldn’t run 6 FEET. And now I’m going to cry and whine about the fact that it takes me almost an hour to run 6 MILES??!! Or I’m going to create a whole fucking DRAMA about eating too much peanut butter??!!
It was as if I saw things clearly for the first time in a long time. As the saying goes, I’ve lost sight of the forest for the trees. It’s ridiculous. And it’s selfish. I’ve had enough. Enough of myself.
So it changes today. No more bullshit negativity. And I expect any of you who read this blog regularly and choose to comment to HOLD ME ACCOUNTABLE to this promise.
I know I’ve said things similar to this before, but something feels different this time. Why it took a poor starving Boxer to open my eyes? Who the fuck knows!
So dear me: I will eat right more days than not. I will continue to work out and stay as fit and healthy as I can be. I will be positive as much as I possibly can. That has to be enough.
The Boxer’s name is Gwen. Please send healing vibes to this beautiful baby. Maybe – by some miracle - she can get a second chance at life as I did. And I know FOR SURE that if she does, she certainly won’t waste one minute of it!