I am trying really hard to change my focus but I’m having tremendous difficulty. When I look at my life as it stands right now, I have a lot to be happy about.
If I step back for a second and look at my choices that I make daily, I’m doing pretty damn good! I eat really well 90% of the time. Marc and I eat virtually no processed foods. We eat a ton of veggies on a daily basis. I rarely “cheat” as far as eating foods that aren’t good for me. My problem is that I eat TOO MUCH as far as quantity goes. And even eating healthy foods - if you eat too much you gain weight!
I am coming up on needing to make my annual MD appointment. So we’ll have to see what my cholesterol level is this time. But I know my blood pressure is good. I have a resting heart rate of 47. I am exercising regularly and have good muscle tone.
My running is not back where I’d like it, but my Achilles is much better and I ran 6.3 miles today at around a 9 minute mile.
Health wise I’m in pretty good shape - not perfect, but pretty good - especially considering where I started!!
And yet? All I can think about is how fat I look. How much weight I have put on from my lowest. How several pieces of clothing don’t fit. How if I lost weight I might run faster.
It seems like more and more research talks about how we - as a culture - need to be obsessed with being healthy instead of an arbitrary “ideal” weight. If I could change my focus to this, I would undoubtedly be mentally more stable and much happier with myself. Because if my standard was my health instead of my weight, I think I’d actually be pretty proud of myself!
But instead I am pathologically obsessed with how much I weigh and how I look. Which really means FUCKING NOTHING.
From the slogan “Strong is the new skinny” and organizations like Weight Watchers emphasizing a holistic approach to getting healthy (which MIGHT mean losing some weight) it seems like people are starting to “get it”.
So why can’t I get it through my thick skull????