It’s been a while. I wish I was eloquent enough to express why I haven’t been posting but I really have nothing to say.
I feel like all of you must just get so sick and tired of my bullshit. If I’m sick of it, you must be, too!
Some of you have e-mailed and asked about me and there are no words to express how much I appreciate it. But I am clearly no inspiration or example to anyone.
Last Thursday was Marc and my 11th wedding anniversary. If I were a normal well adjusted person, then I would have enjoyed a nice celebratory dinner and then moved on. But NO. Instead, after eating like a pig Thursday night, it only made sense to carry that pattern into the weekend, culminating with a family get together yesterday that involved me showing every piece of food I could find into my mouth.
I try to justify my actions and make excuses for why it is so much harder for pooooooorrrrr me.
When I look in the mirror it literally makes me sick how horrible I look. And I vow with every ounce of sincerity to change. That lasts only a few hours before I fuck it up - again and again..
I made an appointment to see the doctor next month for my annual exam. I told the nurse that I wanted the additional thyroid tests ordered, not just the standard one that they typically do. The doc not only ordered them, but also ordered a full metabolic profile based on my symptoms.
I told my co-worker that I must be sick in the head because I am SO hoping that they find something. I told her I must be completely defective wanting something to be wrong me with - wanting to have the easy answer why I can’t lose weight. BOY, I am going to be incredibly disappointed when the official diagnosis is...
STOP EATING SO MUCH YOU FAT COW!
So I apologize, and I totally mean it. I apologize for not being able to be the positive person that I so want to be. I apologize that I can’t find it in myself to get back on track and be an example of how to succeed in keeping weight off.
I hope that those of you that read this blog are doing 10 MILLION times better than me. Because I know it can be done. Just apparently not by me!