I want to clear something up. When I said in my last post that Sandie had told me to stop medicating with food and I commented that I was whining that I want to eat whatever I want, I DID NOT mean that Sandie was wrong for telling me that or that she was being critical or judgmental. Maybe she SHOULD have been either of those things – because, after all, she is right!! BUT I didn’t think that’s what she meant. So, Sandie, if you are reading this, I apologize if I made you feel bad.
I know that I am not the only one out there who is an addict. And, what does an addict do when you tell them to stop using? Well, in my experience they lash out. And that’s what I was doing.
Because right now I am seeking any comfort I can find, and unfortunately, that is food for me.
I can’t use what’s going on with Chakotay as an excuse – after all, I’ve been pretty fucked up for a while now. This has just exacerbated it a little.
And I’ve been BEYOND stressed at work – when it rains it pours as they say. I love helping other people, but when you’re emotionally drained to have to be there for others is hard….really hard.
So tonight I will try to summon up the willpower to run on the treadmill. It’s at least something to relieve stress and feel like I’m doing something to stay on track…