Monday, February 19, 2018

When it rains, it poor meeeees....

Last week was a barrel of suckage.  There wasn't anything that bad, especially compared to what other people go through, but it was plenty to send me over the edge!

Archer is experiencing some health issues.  My SUV failed inspection, requiring another appointment and lots of $$$.  Then my phone decided to screw up, and in an electronic conspiracy, so did my Garmin!  Despite all this, I stayed away from eating out of boredom or frustration or anger.  

Friday arrived and I got on the scale and weighed exactly the same.  How is this possible I asked while throwing a temper tantrum.  I immediately got the "fuck its" and proceeded to justify poor choices because "it clearly doesn't matter that I eat well!"

Have you seen that meme about not continuing the downhill slide comparing it to not intentionally popping your other 3 tires if you get one flat?  Well, to continue that metaphor, I not only shredded the other 3 tires, but I took a baseball bat and smashed the windshield and then continued the destruction by using a box cutter on the interior.

As an added bonus, yesterday was a holiday so I got a full long weekend to drag out my destruction.  

I sit here tonight angry and full of self-pity.  Why do I make these choices? And will I be shocked on Friday when the scale reflects my behavior??  

I'll get up tomorrow and try again.  I haven't run out of new days to try again - at least not yet!

On a more positive note, the weather wasn't great, but I was able to get a couple runs in with the dogs.  They have had cabin fever, and were thrilled to be outside and getting some fresh air and exercise!! 

Wednesday, February 7, 2018

Was it worth it?

That's the question I've been asking myself all week.  So I've been doing pretty well, eating wise, as I told you.  But this past weekend was the Superbowl.  I'm a person who actually loves the game - not just the commercials and/or the halftime show.  My hopes were high this year that Philly could smush the Pats who I HATE.

For me, good times call for food - naughty food.  Superbowl Sunday typically means lots and lots of pizza.  Marc and I eat pizza maybe 3 times a year and this is one of the occasions.

But I was conflicted this year - I asked myself if I really wanted to damage my momentum (and waistline) by indulging.  I decided yes and invented all kinds of ways to justify this choice.

Sunday morning I ran a full 13 miles on the treadmill.  As an aside, I watched the first 2 epiosdes from the FX show about the murder of Gianni Versace while running.  Highly recommended!  Darren Criss plays the serial killer Andrew Cunanan and he is fantastic in the role!! Anyway, I tried to delude myself into beliving that those miles would translate into a big enough deficit to offset the massive calories I would be eating.

Now the one small victory I can claim is that typically when I know I'm going to eat badly, I imagine the whole day is shot so why not just pig out the entire day.  I didn't do that.  And let's get real - pizza wouldn't be that big of deal if I could or would eat 1 or 2 pieces.  But when I eat pizza, I EAT PIZZA!  This time followed by S'mores Nachos for dessert.

I woke up Monday morning and felt a little nauseous - my body isn't used to that amount of grease.  I asked myself if it was worth it.  I then looked in the mirror and saw that I was terribly bloated.  I poked my stomach and it rippled like a waterbed - so gross.  Again I asked myself if it was worth it. 

It took until yesterday morning for the queasiness to go away.  I also haven't weighed myself this week because I didn't want to freak out or allow the numbers to give me an excuse to give up.

No, I'm back to eating well and exercising.  So again - was it worth it? I savored the pizza while watching a great game - nothing wrong with that, right? On the other hand, I claim to want to lose weight and be in control of my eating and after only a month, I found a reason to undo some progress.

So I don't have a satisfactory answer.  Maybe there isn't one - shades of grey....?

Tuesday, February 6, 2018